I'm Scared I'm Going to Screw Up My Children
Updated: Jul 19
The Dredded Thought Mums Have Affecting Their Sense of Self-Worth...
‘I’m scared I’m going to screw up my children’ was the devastating comment I read on my timeline and it got me thinking about the amount of parents that have this same worry circling deep down even if they do not admit it. I think the truth is that most parents have this thought.
But do you know what I loved reading it at the same time, because I found it served as a jolt. And when I say ‘a jolt’ I mean in the sense that it served as a reminder of how much we as parents, as mothers shape our children.
A Mother’s Conscious Language
We hear so much that conscious language is self-prophesy and what we think we manifest. So what does that mean? If we think we are going to screw up we probably will because we will end up focusing on so much of what we don’t want that our energy will flow there and not in the places that could make us what we would consider to be great mothers. (this is relative by the way for everyone, there is no perfection or one size fits all)! But I am sure many of you have a defined standard of what a great mother is even if you haven’t written it out, or recite it to yourself everyday. You probably have a friend or neighbour or possibly a celebrity who you believe to be better than you, crushing life and motherhood in your opinion, raising her children in a more conscious way, feeding her children more balanced meals, allowing much less screen time and of course doesn’t nag and is much less shoutier! The list could probably go on.
“Where your focus goes, your energy will also flow” Tony Robbins
But we don’t want to go down that route at all. This is not the area you want to expend your energy. No energy is needed to be spent in this thought pattern at all because a negative self-fulfilling prophecy happens just by not modelling the right mindset. Not because we are not able and competent parents. Children will always model what they see before they model what they are told. And what they see are behaviours and our behaviours are largely driven by our thoughts and also emotions and guess what affects our emotions; you've got it our thoughts. So you can see where this is going.
How I Think About A Mum's Self-Worth, Imperfection and Strength
My clients often think I have it all together, and want to know how I pull it off with four children single handedly. But I am the same as every other mother; imperfect. And there is nothing wrong with a lack of perfection.
The way I like to look at life is that I am discovering new strengths, capabilities everyday but along with that comes the discovery of new weaknesses. However, weaknesses I enjoy and honour the process of conquering. This is something I thrive and i’m passionate about because this is where growth happens.
Know Your Worth Mum Because You Are Enough
So mums my message to you today is really that next time you think to mentally criticise yourself by worrying about messing up your children take a look at your own personal journey and how much you have learnt and the invaluable wisdom accumulated that you can share with your children and I can assure you these little pieces of gold will shatter the thought of screwing them up almost instantly.
Here are some of my golden nuggets I am and will continue to share with my four children:
Make sure you live with faith and gratitude at the forefront of your life.
Do not steer for what is magnetic in life, steer for what is true and authentically you.
Always love openly, give generously and serve proudly.
Focus on building and maintaining your relationships.
Do not underestimate the value of honing your communication skills. Do it.
Master sales and self diligently; personal development will never go out of style.
Strive to be a conscious individual; health wise, socially and environmentally.
Network and learn to be comfortable in rooms where you are not the smartest, because that is where the magic will happen.
Always know that there is a strong correlation between discomfort during periods of growth and the journey of the so called overnight success.
Carry the wise words of Robin Sharma for each facet of your life; 'change is hard at the beginning, messy in the middle but beautiful at the end'.
How You Can Upkeep Your Self-Worth With Your Wisdom…
Step into Your Power
This is a crucial mindset shift that you need to make to completely know and walk with high levels of self-worth. When you do this, you are able to conquer mountains that just seemed insurmountable previously. Did you know that as many as over 90% of working mums need to find coping mechanisms to handle work and motherhood. And only a small number, just under 10% are able to cope with the day to day.
The problem is that they are not utilising their unique super powers that we all have as mothers. When you don’t make this shift chances are you will be operating with a very weak mindset that will not support you or the life you want to create.
Instead you will find yourself riddled with reasons why you can’t pursue a more purposeful and passionate life and career, feeling very hard done by at the fact you have children and they take up a significant amount of your time. Also you will most likely operate with a pessimistic view on the world and not able to see opportunities to ignite your passion even when it is right under your nose. Not to mention the exhaustion with the day to day and anxiety prone due to a lack of clarity around your daily direction.
The truth is you can’t have a weak mindset and expect nor sustain amazing results in your life. However once you adopt this very distinct mindset shift to Step into Your Power it will allow you to reinvigorate and propel your life, means you will experience;
An abundance of vitality from the moment you wake up in the morning to how you greet your family and continue to operate in the day, completely ridding yourself of the energy lag that can take over mid afternoon
A potent injection of zest will flood your days where you are functioning at optimum levels, busting through your most high value tasks and slashing off those once dredded to-do’s
Newness in your marriage that feels like you are dating again; with playfulness and passion re-entering and taking centre stage after children have been at the forefront for so long
And you back to the confident, independent, ambitious woman thriving in her journey of life as you accelerate your passion into your everyday purpose so you can contribute in the world and your community the way you have always dreamt of.
Zone into Your Full Potential
Stepping into knowing your self-worth and walking in it proudly means you need to have a strong awareness of who you are at your highest potential. Who are you and what are you capable of without everything you believe disqualifies you. This requires you to silence the mind, and chuck that pesky little negative and limiting belief voice that likes to play around in your brain right out the backseat window. You need to allow yourself to think clearly without the beating of unkind words that you subconsciously think about yourself which tend to have a habit of coming up when you are about to strive for something, step out of your comfort zone, try something different, stand up for yourself, or exercise your leadership and authority rights in an uncomfortable situation. Check this post out on how to get super focused and know your worth.
Skyrocket Your Mum Energy
Don’t you wish you could bottle up your children’s boundless energy for yourself? You have probably found yourself thinking and saying it plenty of times. All mums know the feeling of getting up from bed in the morning, only to be wishing you could crawl straight back in. You tell yourself every night tomorrow will be the day you will start an exercise regime or get back to your flexibility stretches, but every day that plan falls flat on its face. Well the truth is that can be a fatal problem for you, your family and health.
Without re-energising yourself completely in all key areas you are leaving your own cup totally depleted. And when you are depleted you can't offer and give your best to your kids and your loved one with each passing day. The way to combat this is to quickly and easily in-still a personalised mum energising method that flows seamlessly into your life. Imagine what your life would be like if you could wake up and feel totally rejuvenated and not just thrust into the day. And you are able to stay focused, alert and minus that energy lag that can sneak its way into our bodies mid-afternoon. Read more about this here.
Take Advantage of The Chaos at Home
So, a lot of busy working mums are getting consumed with the chaotic-ness of life and it can show up in many different ways such as mentally where maybe your mind is a jumble of thoughts and you find it hard to disconnect from one situation to the next. Or have you found yourself feeling distracted; which could be at work meaning you find it hard to keep thoughts focused on the task at hand, and instead they are roaming. But also it could mean you aren’t moving forward in or out of your career, to find that fire we all need in life.
Are you showing signs of a physical decline in that you simply don’t have the fuel needed to get through the day and with health and fitness levels not at their best, or not serving you to where you want to go, you are feeling more and more run down?
Another way the chaotic-ness of life could be affecting you is emotionally so you could be suffering with feelings of guilt, dullness, irritability and frustration at the way life is running you day to day. Are you in a constant state of reaction mode to what each day brings so not really enjoying all the moments you could?
Now I know you may be thinking Ri, my kids run my life now or work, or my boss runs my life, and when it’s not about them I’m trying to fit in time for my husband, this is my life and this is working motherhood. Why and how could anything be different.
The thing is if we look it, there are only two reasons why you would be unable to leverage the chaos currently, and they are both very damaging belief systems:
1) You think that this is just the way life is now you have kids
2) You believe things could be different but it is just going to be too hard to make changes that stick.
But what you need to do is align everything provoking chaos in your life. When you know how to architect the different dynamic of motherhood so it compliments everything you desire and hold important, you have then unlocked unlimited potential for yourself and your family. Self-worth, self-esteem and confidence through the roof!
Fix Your Life Plan
Immediately! I won’t say much on this one here as right here is a good motivator to get your life plan in order! But nothing destroys a sense of self-worth like a broken plan, so you want to make sure you have this one fixed so it doesn't trickle down into the other areas of your life.
I hope you enjoyed this post. Remember to give yourself compassion and grace each day because you deserve it.
What advice would you give your children that you would also have appreciated your self in early adulthood? Would love to hear some of your wisdom/ golden nuggets! Drop them below and lets open up a discussion on this...
Ri Justin CHPC is a Certified High Performance Coach and the Founder of Mums Ri-Wired. She is known as the ‘secret weapon’ for mums and takes professional and business mums from overwhelmed and frazzled to balanced, focus and thriving with her signature coaching program.