That Broken Thing Causing Overwhelm in Your Life and What to do About it...
Updated: Mar 6, 2020
YOU DON'T HAVE AN OVERWHELM PROBLEM AND YOU MAY NOT WANT TO HEAR THIS
...but your issue is, you have a broken plan!
So what is this word overwhelm that has become synonymous with motherhood?
For mothers it is that strong feeling of being buried or drowning under the myriad of responsibilities and to do’s within any one given day, which most of the time are completely unrealistic.
I want to share with you a little graphic I put together to show just how crazy the life of a mother can look, and quite simply the epitome of overwhelm on a single woman trying to run a household...
A Mother's Mental Overwhelm
So right now you are probably trying to fill all the areas depicted above of your life successfully; You, your work, home, health, family, friends, social, spiritual, financial, but it probably feels how this diagram looks - A funnel pouring way too much in at one time! There’s quite simply one of you and a gazillion items, remember, ponder, store, action for the future etc. and this is contributing to an energy zapping experience every single day and literally draining your capacity to enjoy a more vibrant pro-actively led week.
To top it off, as well as all the things you mentally have to contend with and try to organise, you are also physically trying to get through each day, but in what I call ‘The Theme Park Life’... Look familiar ladies…
The Theme Park Life
The theme park life has mums running from home to work, to school runs, pick up, school clubs, meals, homework, house duties, doctors, events, meetings and so much more and on top of that you want to add another 5 or 6 things from the fanciful hope category and hope they are a success)
The reality is there is a simple way to completely get rid of this frantic lifestyle. No mother thrives on this nightmare of running all over the place on limited time, adding more and more to the mix, meanwhile the kids want more from you and your husband wants more.
Today I find myself constantly working through successful life and daily plans with my clients, to which they all reply:
'ohhh I never realised how much I needed this, how was I actually living before?' Because they were once all living in the Theme Park Life. The only problem with it in our lives is that it isn’t at all fun!
Not to mention, society has us convinced that all we need is more time and our lives will magically be perfect simply overnight; saying good riddance to overwhelm.
More time for tasks!
More time for family!
More time for that business!
More time for me!
Yet no amount of extra time can fix a broken plan, or worse yet a lack of one.
Time is a resource a little bit like money, more money will not ensure you handle your finances better. It just means there will be more for you to spend, there is no guarantee that your stewardship abilities are going to skyrocket because the zero’s in your bank account do. Just take a look at all the lottery winners, statistics have shown as many as 70% go bankrupt within 3- 5 years!! Yes you read that right. So what does that tell you??
Quite simply more is not the answer. You may be able to take a poor person from poverty but you can not eradicate a poverty mindset just by giving said person a ton of money.
Time works in exactly the same way. People who are time poor are not physically time poor, it is a mindset they have around time that contributes to a feeling of never having enough of it.
At the end of the day we all have the same 24 hours in a day so why do some mums get a myriad done and feel uber accomplished at the end of each day whilst others can barely cross off to do list and feel shattered at the end of each?
The Answer to Overwhelm
...is fixing a broken plan. Broken plans stem from a skewed mindset around the concept of time. The same way someone who is broke has a skewed concept around money.
Check out this post I wrote if you want to find out the 5 Shifts you can make instantly to correct a mindset that is not serving you.
Here are a few things that tell me if you have a planning problem and not a time/overwhelm problem:
You do not have a schedule that aligns with your highest priorities and end goals so (you are still running around reacting to your day).
You are suffering with insufficient mental, physical and emotional energy.
You are living in a withering marriage or relationship.
You have low congruence with the woman you want to become (you make decisions and choices according to your current daily reality).
You are not ready to scale your life, relationships and business to the next level - as in the thought of it could cause a mental breakdown.
If any of the above describe your current life, you need to take a step back and just STOP. Yes STOP.
Our lives are not infinite and every day is ONE LESS DAY not one more day.
To truly up level your life you need to want to optimise it now instead of continuing the hamster wheel. Because in reality isn’t that what life feels like sometimes, you stuck in a routine that drains you, yet you have to get up and repeat the next day and the next. But usually more things are getting added to your plate resulting in overwhelm.
How many people stay living like this for years and years even if they are miserable?
My passion in life is completely changing this narrative for mothers, that the way life is for children is the way life is. No it isn’t. Nobody has to settle for that. And the truth is it isn’t even that hard to change it but something major does need to be amended in order to see some different results in your life...
If I had a billboard it would be:
Fix your life plan.
Because your relationships, business and the woman you are will work a whole lot better when your time isn't being used like it is endless and can grow at any time. Because it can't.
You can do this, just take the reins so you can command success like never before, just like my clients who are seeing shifts in their marriage where they are dating like high school kids again, and starting profitable businesses with multiple children in tow.
But do you know what the best part is, they are doing this with relative ease. It doesn't need to be hard or overwhelming when you know how.
Take a look at my client Vanessa
Here is what she had to say:
"Taking Ri on as a coach has pressed fast-forward on my long-treasured aspirations. Ri’s refreshing & radiant presence made an impressive entrance into my life at exactly the right time! Having spent 5 fun, but knackering, years juggling my 2 boys and my language tutoring business, I was seriously lacking in clarity... and energy. I’ve just made a Trello board in order to list all the changes I’ve made since my coaching began. There are literally dozens. From small things to MASSIVE things like defining my chief definite purpose in life (and the EXACT steps to get there!). It’s been quite the journey! Speaking to friends about your dreams is lovely, but it’s easy to get stuck in a cycle. Friends like you for who you are & when something is too touchy they will often back right off, letting you save face... and stay stuck. Whereas, a coaching conversation with Ri gives you direct access to these areas of resistance - and guides you to define your best self. Thank you Ri, for your great generosity of spirit & wonderful wisdom! You have changed the course of my life!"
When Vanessa came to me she was exhausted, overwhelmed, had let her health and fitness backslide, she was stagnant in her business, lacking passion in her marriage and struggling to embed the routines she wanted with her two young boys. And to top it off she had been holding onto a 10 year dream to write a book.
However after working together;
We uncovered all her limiting beliefs and everything stopping her from achieving what she truly wanted.
She became dedicated to health and fitness weekly
Started networking more consistently to build her business
Began dating her husband again, sans children!
After 10 years wrote her book proposal and sent it off.
Implemented a full on weekly plan to do stimulating activities with her boys
And she pushed past major blocks that had held her back and skyrocketed her confidence
Before I made huge changes to my life, I was also operating on a broken plan and wondering why I was not getting to the places in life I really wanted to or feeling how I expected to.
I had to stop and take a good look at my life, what I was doing and also what I was doing wrong and assess my feelings.
In my post ‘Running Like Mad in my 4" Heels’ I talk about the transformation my life took on when I decided to fix my life plan and wave a strong farewell to my friend overwhelm:
I went from just surviving and keeping my head above water to truly thriving in a new business.
I stopped chasing my tail, running around like a headless chicken, rushing to and fro and being reactive all day long, because I learnt how to be proactive.
I shifted from just coping with my children to becoming an intentional and conscious positively influential mother.
If you want to begin your own journey which I can promise you, you won’t regret then take a read below, it will serve as a good starting place. Then hop through the rest of the blog posts which will be great building blocks for you to make some transformations.
5 QUICK FIRE KEYS TO FIX A BROKEN PLAN
1) Uncover - What is not working in your life.
2) Audit Your Time - Where are your 24 hours actually going, can you spot the time zappers?
3) Reclaim Your Energy - Discover what is draining you and zapping the vitality from your life.
4) Define Success and Balance - If you do not know what your ideal life looks like you can’t begin the steps to make it happen.
5) Commit - This is a mindset shift. Once you make the decision that you want to finally fix your broken plan, all the answers will show up. Now is the time to press forward.
Fixing the Broken Plan
If you have been feeling like you need more tailored help and support and you are ready to start seeing changes immediately or things are more dire and just can not wait, you can book a free call with me right here. We will identify all that is going wrong, how to bridge the gap to make it right and provide you with an individual blueprint to cut through the overwhelm and bring your ideal life into fruition.
A reason to actually do this, well as Michael Hyatt puts it:
‘You are in a much better position to serve others when your basic needs are met and your tank is full’
And if you have got this far, the likelihood is some of your basic needs are not being met and thus your tank is certainly not full.
You are always one decision away, sometimes mums just need the cheerleader and supporter of their own. I am here to do just that and cut the learning curve to get to where you actually want to be in life.
Ri Justin CHPC is a Certified High Performance Coach and the Founder of Mums Ri-Wired. She is known as the ‘secret weapon’ for mums and takes professional and business mums from overwhelmed and frazzled to balanced, focus and thriving with her signature coaching program.