Mums Why You Need to be Selfish With Your Time
Updated: Nov 6, 2020
The Questions About Time all Mums Have
Have you ever wondered how some mums just seem to get ten times more done than other mums and have more energy, leaving you wondering what on earth you are doing with your time???
Wished the day was longer? Or that time would stand still for just a second!?
The truth Is most mums have. And the crazy part is that it is actually shockingly simple to combat this. People often say to me how do you get so much done with the four kids, why are you always smiling and so happy and the answer to that is because I do not feel that I do not get enough time and I never ever feel that my life is unbalanced therefore I do feel joyful and vibrant the majority of the time. But this was absolutely not always the case...far from it.
My Story with Time as a Mum
In my article ‘What I lost Journeying into High Performance’ and ‘Running Like Mad in 4” Heels’ I talk about my awful relationship with time and how it contributed to such a horrific day to day experience and ultimately forced me to make major changes.
Here’s a little except from one;
“I was definitely not efficient in the way I worked; productivity to me was rummaging through my inbox all day long feeling busy whilst juggling multiple projects, employees, budgets, venues and a decaying self. (That however I wasn't ready to admit at the time).
As a single mum of four, feeling stretched thinly to accommodate all my children amongst my personal life, business and my loved ones was something I felt all too often.
My journey into high performance taught me one of my biggest lessons; that sometimes a loss of an old life we thought was great can give way to the creation of something much more beautiful, purposeful and fulfilling that we actually didn't even imagine or realise we wanted. “
But let me tell you what I have discovered…
The Ultimate Success Secret to Time Management for Mums
In my experience there are a couple of elements you need to consider, two ways in which you can manage yourself and time and that is:
Now most peoples lives will have a mixture of both but to solidly master your days, weeks, months and thus years number two is the one that should dominate 90-95% of the time. This should not be compromised over an extended period and it is absolutely something that needs to be prioritised in your life to transform your relationship with time in your life.
Time is a Actually A Mums Best Friend
But only when she is available for a mum to befriend in the first place and as we have just been discussing most mums can't see her in sight. But when she is in close relationship with time it allows a mum to expand herself and her life to such unprecedented levels of achievement and productivity it is mind blowing.
So how can mums forge this relationship...
Organising Your Time as a Mum
When your life is cluttered you can bet your mind is too.
And when your mind is cluttered:
You can't make the best choices
You are fatigued and often won't know why
You can't offer your best to those around
You can't see the forest through trees in a myriad of situations
You can not get your organisational skills to a good standard
But the thing is, a life heavily reliant on Number one; Reactivity, can sometimes seem like it works day to day on the outside because you are managing to get things done. But to actually boost your energy and vibrancy and capability to do more at home or with work, like change careers and pursue your passion well this requires you to step it up in this area in a way your health and relationships do not get compromised.
When you are in reactive mode it leaves very little time for you to fill yourself up and when you aren't filled up you can’t pour into new areas with the vitality you need to make a success out of it over the LONG TERM or just keep up with the housework and family duties.
Lots of people achieve success for a period but nobody really wants short lived success, nobody changes careers, changes their livelihood, strives for the next big promotion or takes a big leap for short term success.
But this is exactly what happens when you live in reactive mode on a daily basis. You may be educated, have had good experience good job roles but still be failing in several areas because your time is not leveraged.
However when you are living in pro-active mode, it allows you to be very intentional. This provides the foundation so that you are able to double down on the energetic changes you want to make in your life and improvements to your relationships so you experience heightened passion and fulfilment day to day and sustain the success not just in one area of your life but in all your life arenas.
How to be a Good Working Mum Utilising Time
All the mums I have worked with transform themselves into the best mothers they can be; productive, happy and fulfilled all rolled into one. So what do they do?
They do what serves them and the women they want to become and they completely ditch the rest!
But where is the problem for the majority of mums? It is simply that they are not doing this very thing. Most mums spend time comparing their lives to other mums on social media and down the road. They waste precious minutes and hours beating themselves up for giving into screen time. They eliminate weeks by allowing negative self-sabotaging thoughts to take over their minds. They fail to successfully plan because they feel defeated day to day.
But the mums actually able to crush their days… are utterly selfish with their time so they refuse to let these things steal any of it. And this selfishness towards their time allows them to be selfless with those they love.
Moreover they make exhaustive notes on what they desire, need and want and then what their family need building their entire personal and professional life around this. They then align the two seamlessly and do not allow themselves to slip into the backseat under any circumstances.
Everything is done to uplift her as a mother for the good of the family. That is the way it should be and it’s the reason why some mothers actually experience balance and fulfilment and not just fleeting moments of happiness.
Struggling with Time Management as a Mum?
Ladies if any of you actually struggling to do this in your life because as simple as it is, it can be very hard to implement without the support, particularly when you have never done it before. You don't just exist to be someone's mum, you deserve and need to be recognised as the individual woman you are also. Find her and bring her to life. What has just trying to keep your head above water and trying just to survive each day, caused you to miss out on? What in your life could be miles better if you felt more in control of your day?
How I Help Mums To Be Successful with Balance and Time
So as you may know by now if you are here, I am a High Performance Coach. If you speak to anyone who has had a coach they will tell you that everyone should have one! I even have coaches and why? Because coaching brings two things; New Ideas and Accountability.
If you take this blog post for example, I am sure there are some things you have thought about reading this that you hadn’t thought of previously.
Secondly, I know you may suffer feelings of guilt to invest in yourself with either time, energy or money but if you’re not investing in yourself you are missing out on getting what you really want and wasting valuable time making small changes that won’t net you big results fast.
As a mum, I can tell you after the hundreds and hundreds of hours of coaching I have done you need to understand how your life works and fits together at a holistic level, but in the professional coaching you may have had it will be very work, goal or target based but that is not what you need. As a high achiever where that work driven focus was once ok, a major internal shift sets in once your birth children alongside new perspectives. You start craving more balance and what truly matters starts to come into focus a lot more prominently until it does become hard to ignore...
And so the issue with most mums is that in order to get out of a struggle, challenge or problem they can often use the same thinking that got them into that position in the first place, but the fact is you need new thinking. There comes the second problem how do you develop new thinking.
Well that is exactly what a coach does for you…
Investing Your Time as a Mother Wisely for True Success
Coaches are like your birds eye perspective and see all your blind spots and open up your mind and life to new paradigms and ways of doing things you would have never have thought of alone. Because typically when you are in a situation you can’t see out of it.
So the first thing you want to look is if you can achieve the outcome you want in your life with this person. Secondly you want to look at whether there is a proven process and results to back it up, like at Mum's Ri-Wired we have an outcome based 12 week program that has been scientifically proven with incredible results. And then look at the coaches credibility, their certifications or qualifications in this area such as myself; I am a certified High Performance Coach from the High Performance Institute which is the Number 1 High Performance establishment worldwide.
I personally have invested tens of thousands into coaching and training in the past 2 years alone, to get me where I am today and each time it was a big decision, however I would not be where I am had I not. I believe that you can take the long route and try to go it alone but it is crazy because the fact is it is hard and most mums can’t sustain it.
Instead you can learn and model from someone who has walked the miles and has the shortcut ready and waiting for you. Why would you not want someone to shave years off the learning curve and get the life you want much sooner.
Mums How You Can Unlock the Abundance of Time in Your Life
The thing is ladies as a mum Although you may be constantly out of time further time management techniques are actually not what you need at this point otherwise Google would be working for you. You need someone to help you identify what is not working in your life and thus what not to do as well provide you with a blueprint for the greatest odds of success, that simply calms the chaos and makes your life a lot easier whilst supporting your head and your heart in the right place to move significantly forward.
If you would like a free session to unlock the abundance of time you actually do have in your life, just click below. Check out the testimonials of other mums just like you , who have done it and managed to conquer goals, launch businesses, pull in multiple clients, crush the housework and inject their marriages with passion all because we rewired their time relationship.
Ri Justin CHPC is a Certified High Performance Coach and the Founder of Mums Ri-Wired. She is known as the ‘secret weapon’ for mums and takes professional and business mums from overwhelmed and frazzled to balanced, focus and thriving with her signature coaching program.